Rachel Clarke

How to reduce stress in labour

April 29, 2019

Stress, anxiety and birth

High levels of stress and anxiety when we approach labour are normally born out of our conscious or subconscious fears; fear of the unknown if it’s our first time, fear routed from what others around us or society have told us about birth or fear from a previous birth experience.

Whatever the fear is, it can trigger a stress response for us. The Fear > Tension > Pain cycle tells us that when we experience fear leading to stress, our bodies release adrenaline to prepare ourselves to fight, flight or freeze. Obviously this would have been helpful when we were surrounded by sabre-toothed tigers but not so much now!

Tension in labour causes the muscles in the uterus to work far less effectively – less oxygen can reach the muscle and is directed away from our reproductive and digestive systems to our lungs, brains and larger muscle groups.

Labour is longer as the muscles of the uterus are not fully working in tandem (one set relaxing and one set contracting) meaning that it is much more likely to be painful and you are more likely to need pain relief. This starts as what is known as a cascade of intervention that once on that path, is more likely to end in instrumental or augmented (artificially helped along) labour compared to if you were in a deeply relaxed and calm state, confident of what you and your body could do.

Top 5 ways to resolve stress in labour

Get to the root of your fears. You could do this 1:1 with a hypnobirthing teacher, psychotherapist or your midwife you can explore your individual ideas about birth and look to reframe them. Make sure your fears are not based on assumptions and you have the latest evidence to hand.
Practice relaxation techniques before labour if you can and think about how you will prepare your environment to encourage that love hormone oxytocin to flow.
Remember to breathe. Deep, diaphragmatic breathing will not only get more oxygen flowing but will give you a focus during contractions.
Get your birth partner to remind yourself of how well you are doing and use their support, be it your partner or birth doula. They should know what your preferences are in advance so they can advocate on your behalf when you are in the zone!
Visualise yourself holding your baby at the end of this journey. Your imagination is so powerful; where the mind leads the body follows and having this image as a reminder of why you are doing it will be of great comfort.

I would also suggest reading The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill for the latest information about all kinds of births and think in advance about what your birth preferences are. The reality is that if you don’t know your options you don’t have any.

Remember you’ve got this!

A Letter for Anyone Struggling with Mother’s Day

March 23, 2019

Coping with Mother’s Day

To anyone woman wondering how they are going to cope with Mother’s Day,

You may or may not have seen an email from Superdrug doing the rounds on social media that is approaching Mother’s Day a little differently:

“We wanted to reach out to you, as from next week we’ll be sending out Mother’s Day themed emails. We know that this is a sensitive topic for many, and completely understand if you would prefer not to read them.”

It then goes on and gives you the option to opt out of these themed marketing emails. How many organisations, whose focus is supposedly on women’s health and well-being like Superdrug, actually acknowledge that not everyone wants to be reminded of Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day and loss

Whether your mother has passed away, you have experienced the death of a child or the relationship with your mother is less than ideal, focus on this day can trigger all the grief, disappointment and hurt to come back up to the surface.

So what can we do to protect ourselves during Mother’s Day?

We can do something to celebrate the life of our mother if they’ve died and remember the lessons they have passed onto us, what qualities and characteristics in us that we share with her.
We can accept that we have zero control over what type of person our mother is and that we can break the cycle with our own children if we want to mother a different way.
We can remember our angel babies and for whatever time they were with us, we were the best mother we could be.
Be kind to yourself – this one day will pass.
List 3 things you are grateful for today and remind yourself of those when you start to feel sad.

Remember you’ve got this,

Rachel x

Hey Mama Hypnobirthing Co. – Hypnobirthing classes in Surrey

Motherhood without a Mother (coping with loss)

January 30, 2019

Mothering without a Mother (Coping with loss and parenthood)

When you were younger how did you imagine your life with children of your own? You probably wouldn’t think that it would involve coping with the loss of a parent – I certainly didn’t.

I lost my mother to secondary breast cancer in 2016 when she was aged just 59. Four months later I found out I was expecting our first son.

Pregnancy without a mother is a challenge but I wasn’t reminded of her absence as you are focused so much on the new bundle, protecting it, sorting out maternity leave, tasks like that are great distract you from the pain of the loss.

Once you have a real, physical child of your own then what happens? You are constantly reminded of your own childhood and the parent you have lost. Every decision, every milestone and every obstacle you find yourselves wishing that they were there to guide you through the minefield that is parenting.

It all came to a head about 8 months after my son was born and I was diagnosed with Postnatal Depression. I was struggling with grief, the loss of my identity and the overwhelming nature of looking after a newborn.

No-one tells you how many times you will relive the loss.

The loss of a grandparent to your child.

The loss of the new relationship that would have inevitably evolved once your baby arrived and you need all the help you can get. You know she would be able to settle the baby who just wouldn’t sleep without you.

The loss of all the future opportunities your mother would have had to spend getting to know and fall in love with their first grandchild. It’s rubbish and it hurts.

So how can you deal with grief as a mother?

If you are pregnant, ask to see the mental health midwifery team, available in most NHS trusts, who specialise in supporting women who are experiencing grief.
If you are a new mum, talk to a professional. Your GP can signpost you to local talking therapies like grief counselling or CBT (Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy) although waiting times can be long. Personally I couldn’t wait and found a local psychotherapist who specialises in maternal mental health issues. You can find a local therapist via the UKCP (the UK Council of Psychotherapy), the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy) or visit the MIND website. It is around £50 a session so isn’t cheap but I have put aside the cost in my weekly budget as it has such a profound impact on all aspects of my life, it might just be the best purchase I make all week.
Acknowledge how hard it can be. Having a newborn and not having the emotional and practical support of your loved one is tough. I find it reassuring to remember that my mother will have passed onto me the skills and love needed to be a mother through her parenting and so a part of her lives on.
Be kind to yourself. I sometimes take a walk to reconnect with nature and get some fresh air. Do whatever you need to do to clear your head. It might sound a bit woo woo but getting out of your house and having time to yourself really helps. I try and time it with naptime so I stick my son in the buggy and he gets a sleep whilst I stick on a podcast and get some exercise.
Open up to your closest and dearest. I try to be mindful of my feelings and the impact of these feelings on my behaviour. If I’m snappy or distant it’s probably because I’m not feeling great mentally so I will try and talk about how I’m feeling. There is no shame in admitting you need help and for some antidepressants can play a role in recovery.
Be present. I’ve found that if I put my phone down and ignore all the distractions of housework and focus on being with my son I feel better. I also try to practice gratitude in the morning – going over what I am thankful for helps me to focus on the positive.

Facing up to these losses (and to the grieving process as a whole) is an ongoing journey. The pain doesn’t go away however with time you will be more aware of when you are feeling a bit rubbish and have the tools to take each tough moment as it comes.

For me grief and new motherhood opened up a creativity and self awareness that pushed me to retrain in a new career and set up my own business.

Remember you’ve got this mama.

Rachel is a Hypnobirthing teacher with a focus on mental health, offering hypnobirthing classes in Surrey

Anxiety in Pregnancy: What you can do to overcome it

January 17, 2019

Anxiety in Pregnancy: What you can do to overcome it

Firstly, I just want to say that it is so common to feel some anxiety in pregnancy, especially for first time mums as you often have no idea what to expect or what is ‘normal’. Even women who have had a baby before can feel anxiety, especially in the last trimester, worried about how baby will fit into the family or about their previous birth if it wasn’t a positive experience.

My top tips for dealing with anxiety during pregnancy

Talk through your fears with your partner or midwife. Don’t worry – it is normal and healthy to have a certain level of heightened awareness about your baby when pregnant. When the level of anxiety starts to affect your quality of life such as stopping you sleeping or eating, talk to your midwife, GP or an organisation such as Anxiety UK who have a helpline. It can be useful to talk to someone outside the situation to discuss your fears and worries.
Research what it is that you are worried about – evidence can be reassuring. Childbirth is a normal and natural event. Understanding how our bodies are designed to give birth and what *actually* happens rather than from frightening stories from friends or family can be a relief.
Try a technique such as Square Breathing to help you relieve stress and anxiety. You want to inhale to the count of four, hold the breath for four, exhale for four and hold the lungs empty for four (hence the square i.e. 4 x 4 x 4 x 4).
Visualise a happy place. Close your eyes and imagine you are holding your newborn, perfect baby and let the positive feelings soothe you until you are feeling relaxed and calm.

Secondly, if you are experiencing a significant and extreme level of anxiety around pregnancy and birth you might have what is known as Tokophobia (literally meaning fear of childbirth). It can present through a number of symptoms including nightmares, difficulty in concentrating on work or family activities, panic attacks and psychosomatic complaints.

You are more likely to develop tokophobia if

you have had extensive gynaecological problems
fear of childbirth is in your family and you have heard frightening stories about birth from family
you have had an anxiety disorder
you have a strong need to remain in control at all times
you have had a previous traumatic birth
you experienced sexual abuse as a child
you have experienced sexual assault or rape
you have depression.

Tell your midwife or doctor about your fears, as early in your pregnancy as possible. They should refer you to talk with a healthcare professional who is trained to provide mental health support for pregnant women, and specifically someone with experience of childbirth fears. For many women with tokophobia, this helps them to overcome their fears about giving birth. You can even request a caesarian if your phobia is so bad.

Read the NICE guidelines about how your hospital should respond for a request for a caesarian if you have tokophobia. You can also visit Tommy’s.

Remember, you’ve got this mama!

Rachel x